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Evil, Hostile Grumpy Listeners? Think Again
I hated Kyle Sisk*. A notorious bully, Kyle punctuated my grade school years with misery. He would tease me about my weight, purposely rattle me with shocking language, delight in making me look foolish at every opportunity. Kyle had scary, penetrating eyes and sharp, jagged teeth that looked, appropriately, like fangs. He even had his own evil henchman named Eddie who would follow him everywhere, laughing a conspiratorial little laugh asking, "Heh, heh, what are we going to do next, Kyle? Heh, heh." (All Eddie was missing was a hump.) A typical encounter was the time I was walking home from school and Kyle and Eddie pounced from behind some bushes, grabbed my books and threw them in the mud. Even worse, they snatched my precious, brand new little purse and threw it into the branches of a tree, far out of reach. They then ran off cackling in triumph. I, purseless, limped home in tears. A Sad Reprieve This type of treatment continued all through grade school. I enjoyed the respite of summertime before we started at our new junior high school but September came and with it, my sense of dread at seeing Kyle again. I was given a reprieve, but an unwelcome one. That first week of school, my father died suddenly of a massive heart attack. I stayed home from school for about a week for the funeral and family visits. My first day back, the teachers wanted to take it easy on me so they gave me the coveted duty of going to each classroom and placing the absentee list on each teacher's desk. I felt special to be excused from class and was enjoying my rounds when I came to Mr. Lester's science class. I entered the room and my heart stopped. There, sitting right next to Mr. Lester's desk was Evil Incarnate himself, Kyle. There was no avoiding him--he had seen me come in--so I braced myself for whatever abuse he was no doubt preparing, but as I got closer I noticed that he did not have his usual smug expression. He was looking down at his desk sheepishly. Very odd. As I lay the paper on the teacher's desk, Kyle looked up at me with big, soft eyes and in a timid, tentative voice said, "I'm sorry your old man croaked." A State of Shock I was stunned. Not from the inelegance of the sentiment, but rather from the realization that Kyle-even KYLE-had the capacity to feel and express compassion. "I'm sorry your old man croaked" wasn't exactly poetic, but to me it was the sweetest expression of kindness I had ever heard. It was in that moment that I realized that everyone, no matter how intimidating, has good in there somewhere. A Lesson for Speaking I think we need to remember this when we speak to our audiences. We look out and see grumpy frowns or intimidating scowls but even those listeners have hearts and the potential to connect with us. We might not be able to connect right away--maybe not ever--but just about everyone has that basic human spark of goodness through which we all connect. Besides, you've heard the old saying, "Behind every jerk is a sad story." We need to remember that the most intimidating, obnoxious audience members you will ever face most likely got to be that way because of pain. Looking back, Kyle's bullying no doubt stemmed from his miserable home life. His lashing out at me on the schoolyard is not much different than the heckler at a comedy club or a nit-picking critic at a presentation. Frustration, disappointment, powerlessness-they all lead to acting out, and as speakers we're sometimes on the receiving end. But no matter how bad the behavior, those difficult listeners in your audience still have the capacity to support you. I think we can foster their humanness by being the first to reach out in a spirit of openness and service. When we speak to serve, with a genuine desire to do good for our listeners, we increase the likelihood that their negative energy will diminish in favor of a positive connection. There's no guarantee that they will reach back to support us, and they may even keep up their offensive behavior, but let's at least allow for the possibility that they might not be as evil as we think. *Name has been changed to protect privacy About The Author Melissa Lewis turns traditional thinking about public speaking upside down to give people more comfort, confidence and charisma in front of groups. She is a former comic actress, a certified facilitator of SPEAKING CIRCLES( , president-elect of the National Speakers Association Kansas City Chapter and author of the soon-to-be-released book, Upside Down Speaking. For more information call (913) 341-1241 or visit www.upsidedownspeaking.com. melissa@upsidedownspeaking.com
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Coaching The SAMMER Test: Leading People To Get The Right Results At the Right Time In The Right Way As a leader, you do nothing more important than get results. But simply getting results can be easy. What is Leadership? Leadership is what every organization needs and so few have in adequate supply. Part of leadership is what the first President Bush called "the vision thing". It's the ability to see what does not exist and then gather, mold and shape the resources needed to make it happen. To be, or Not to be (Average)? When is hate OK? When it's the feeling you have toward average. Let me make this point clearly and without reservation. I hate average! 10 Attributes of Effective Strategic Leaders! Did you know that people who lead strategically resemble fine-tuned machines? By focusing on their strategies, leaders see a bigger picture, they understand the reasons why and recognize the worthiness of elusive opportunities. Leader is Not a Title There is a steady flow of information in the form of books, articles, white papers and training all in the context of [ "what is leadership" or "how to develop a leader"]. In this issue, I will avoid those two questions and write about two others that I believe might be on the minds of a lot you readers and they are: Your Ultimate Leadership Feedback Loop: Their Leadership Life on our planet flourishes through feedback. If life forms don't develop feedback loops and get good information about how well they are interacting with their world, the world eventually kills them. Dont be Afraid to Lead! In most aspects of human activity, the pendulum of fashion swings back and forth between extremes, passing briefly through the point of balance on every swing. Stepping Into Leadership and Being The Source Of Your Success Why is it that we often wait until we have achieved a level of success in network marketing before we feel as though we have earned the right to step into a leadership role? Leadership is NOT a position you acquire as a result of having achieved a certain volume or compensation plan position. It is a place you come from as a declaration that guides your decisions and actions. When you are the source of everything that shows up in your life and in your business, your actions will be in sync with this self-declared leadership role. It's Not All About Cheese: The Missing Component in Employee Development (Part 1) Spencer Johnson really hit a nerve when he wrote Who Moved My Cheese? The book, a best seller still, is a wonderful allegory of the things that drive and motivate us. I personally loved the book, perhaps because I read it in one night. But, I was left wondering if the most important part of the cheese story was ever addressed profoundly enough. I am talking about the idea that it is not all about the cheese! Getting Things Done, Without the Sweat! How do you get your people on your side? And once their on your side, how can you get them to do anything you want? It's a skill that we all want. Nothing's better than leaving the hard work for someone else! But how? Mentors and Coaches: How to Be A Great Mentor Though out your career you may be asked to become someone's mentor. Mentoring is a rewarding activity for both you and the mentee it is a great way to give back while sharing your experiences and wisdom. And it's very flattering to be asked and can appeal to our ego. Too often people agree, feeling very honoured by the request, before giving the role much thought. There is a significant investment of time and effort required to be a good mentor. If you do agree to become someone's mentor you must realize that you have the ability to make a dramatic positive or negative impact on that person'these guidelines will help to ensure you fulfill your role well. Professional Organizations: Join or Fold? All of us join professional organizations for a reason--a friend belongs, we need to for credibility, etc. Many times we let years slide by and we don't stop and review those reasons. Unless something sets off a boundary--lack of funds, the organization runs itself into a ditch, or a leadership problem. Dissolving Conflict Through Reframing Reframing is looking at the situation with a new set of eyes. Its asking your self if you have a clear picture of the situation and of what is happening around you. 3 Elements of Leadership Power! In an article discussing the need for innovative products and profitable service offerings, Vinutha V., points out that, "improvements are only the expected results, not the source of competitive advantage. Improved product development through innovation arises from the knowledge and experience of employees." [Source: The Financial Express - appearing in ZDNetIndia News] Get Angry And Then Get Results Leadership is not about winning a popularity contest, it's about getting great results. To do so, leaders must challenge people not to do what they want to do but what they don't want to do. 7 Excellent Ways To Improve Your Leadership Skills! Did you know that there are 7 really effective yet powerful ways to improve your leadership learning opportunities? Women in Leadership - How to Get Promoted It is often much harder for women to get promoted than men. The most common characteristic of successful women is that they know how to express their excellence in a male dominated environment. How do they do it? The Seven Secrets to New Age Leadership Did you ever notice that In our American culture, we have the tendency to look outside of ourselves for leadership? That's a trap. Isn't it time we looked inside ourselves to see how we can be the leader we want and need to be in the 21st century? I certainly think so. Having Fun In Leadership "Don't measure your life by your goals, but rather by what you are DOING to achieve them." ?Unknown 3 Dynamic Techniques To Boost Your Executive Leadership! Here's a really simple way to measure the strength of your executive leadership skills. Ask your people to name 3 important reasons why they enjoy working with you.
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