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Managing Monsters in Meetings - Part 7, Personal Attacks
Personal attacks hurt people, mar communication, and end creativity. If they become part of a meeting's culture, they drive the participants into making safe and perhaps useless contributions. Approach 1: Speak to the group Set the stage for the group to enforce its culture by making a general comment. Look at the middle of the group and say: "Just a moment. Let's pause here to calm down. I can tell we're upset about this. And we want to find a fair solution for everyone." (Take slow deep breaths and relax to model calming down.) After saying this, pause a moment to let the group respond. Often, someone else will support your request. Then continue as if everything were normal. Avoid looking at the attacker when speaking to the group. Making eye contact acknowledges and returns power to the attacker. Approach 2: Explore for the cause Sometimes people throw insults from behind a fence of presumed safety. You can disrupt this illusion by saying: "Chris, you seem upset with that." "Pat, you seem to disagree." "You seem to have reservations about this." I realize these statements may sound like naive responses to an insult. However, such understated responses improve the situation because they sound less threatening, feel easier to deliver, and preserve the other person's self-esteem. Realize the attacker may have viewed the attack less seriously than it sounded. These statements also transfer the focus from the target to the attacker's feelings. And this is what you need to talk about in order to resolve the dispute. After you speak, continue to look at the attacker and wait for the person to talk about what caused the attack. If the attack continues, interrupt with: "Excuse me, we need to respect each other. And I wonder what makes you feel upset over this." "Excuse me, we heard that. Now, what makes you feel that way?" "Excuse me, I'm interested in hearing what your concerns are." Approach 3: Call a break If verbal approaches fail to end the attacks, then call a break or end the meeting. This will give you a chance to meet privately with the attacker, rewrite the agenda, rebuild communication, and (if appropriate) schedule another meeting without the attacker. You could say, "We seem to be at an impasse. I want to take a break so we can all calm down." "This hostility makes it impossible to get any work done. So, I'm adjourning the meetings. We'll work on this later and then reconvene at another time." Note that some people use anger to force others to cooperate with them. If you adjourn the meeting, you will have to meet with the attacker to resolve the conflict. "We need to work on this outside of the meeting. So let's adjourn." Use these techniques to restore a safe environment to your meeting. Meetings are a forum for finding solutions, making decisions, and reaching agreements. When you apply these approaches to disruptions, you will maintain the productive environment necessary to accomplish your goals. This is the seventh of a seven part article on Managing Monsters in Meetings. - - - - - - - - IAF Certified Professional Facilitator and author Steve Kaye works with leaders who want to hold effective meeting. His innovative workshops have informed and inspired people nationwide. His facilitation produces results that people will support. Sign up for his free newsletter at http://www.stevekaye.com. Call 714 -528-1300 or visit his web site for over 100 pages of valuable ideas.
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What circumstances create an environment in which some people achieve and others do not? Does motivation come from within or does it come from others - from leaders or managers? Can you motivate the un-motivated? Does it have to involve money? Why is it that some work teams achieve and others do not? Is it that the better work unit has better people? If this is so, then does that mean that the better work unit would succeed whether they were led or not? Is leadership the same as management or is leadership a part of management? Are managers and leaders the same? Abraham Lincoln Is Still Alive Abraham Lincoln Is Still Alive Leadership Skills and Ability What is true Leadership. Heres The REAL Reason Bush Won: The Dark Night Of The Leadership Soul George Bush won the election because he was finally able to break out of the presidential bubble and give "leadership talks" on a consistent basis. Leadership Skills: Four Ways of Overcoming Perfectionism We pay a high price for perfectionism. "What perfectionism?" we perfectionists mutter. "We've known for years perfectionism is not healthy so we have dealt with this issue and strive for personal excellence only!" Really? In Leadership, Good Enough Is Pretty Bad The first time I meet a leader to decide if we should work together, I invariably ask one question. The answer to that question gives me an idea of whether we'll have a productive relationship. The answer also tells me how the career of that leader might turn out. Asking for Help For many of us, asking for help is a difficult concept. It can require a certain amount of vulnerability. We may feel as if we are admitting a weakness that the world would not have known about, had we not asked for help. Dissolving Conflict Through Reframing Reframing is looking at the situation with a new set of eyes. Its asking your self if you have a clear picture of the situation and of what is happening around you. Are You The Most Powerful Leader You Can Be? As someone who teaches, manages, parents or influences you'll probably already be aware that powerful leadership is not just about the boss, it's about the team, irrespective of whether that team is in the classroom, in the office or around your home. Leadership For Deep Results: Without Them Are You Wasting Your Leadership And Your Life? (Part One) I've challenged all leaders I have worked with during the past two decades to achieve "more results faster continually."
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