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The Defining Moment: The Straw That Stirs The Drink Of Motivational Leadership (Part Two)
In Part One, I described the importance of establishing deep, human connections with people you lead. I said there were three ways to do that, by communicating information, by making sense, and by having your experience become their experiences. By far, the most important and most effective way, is the latter. Now I'll show you how to make that happen by developing and communicating a defining moment. Write down three to five of your EXPERIENCES that made a strong impression on you. Describe each in a few sentences or paragraphs. That's it. Do no more. The important thing now is to deliberately walk through the sequence of defining-moment development. It's easy to get off track, but once you take the trouble to go through the process, you'll have it for life. For instance, an experience that defines much of what I do in leadership happened when my father lay on his deathbed. He and I had struggled for years over conflicting views of my career path, but when he got cancer, the terrible disease led to a healing in our relationship, and for the first time in years, we were able to talk with affection and no recriminations. During a long discussion one afternoon a few weeks before he died, I told him that I felt I had run out of opportunities in my life. His thin hand, which had been so broad until he became ill (He came from a family of hulking carpenters.) closed around mine, and he said, "Brent, how can you say that? Everyone has opportunities all the time. Look at me. Even me, here, on this bed - even I have opportunities!" I did not think much about what he said until after he died, and then his words kept coming back to me. Sort of breaking open in my mind like psychological time-release capsules and releasing bits of understanding. I came to understand what he really meant. And I took that understanding into my life and work. Since then, I have never lacked for opportunities - simply because my father had me see that opportunities are never lacking - nor have I allowed the leaders I've worked with to lack opportunities. "Even I have opportunities" is a defining moment, an experience, one that led to profound awareness and purposeful action - not for my sake, but for the sake of the leaders I'm consulting with. For the defining moment's purpose is not to illuminate what you can do, but what they can do. Now that you've written down some defining experiences, you can begin to change them into defining moments. The experience is the raw material; the defining moment is the instrument, shaped from the raw experience, that enables you to reach into the hearts of the people you speak to and motivate them to take action to get results. 1. Select an audience to speak to. It can be one person or many. It can be someone at work, in your family, or in your social circle. This should be an important interaction. You don't simply want to communicate but to have a communion with the audience. Don't expect the defining moment to automatically generate that communion. Often, it simply marks a small step you are taking in that direction. But that step is the very core of the right beginning. 2. Identify the needs of the audience. This is absolutely crucial to using the defining moment. The defining moment is all about human relationships, and you cannot have a rich relationship with someone unless and until you understand their needs. 3. Once you've chosen an audience and identified their needs, go back and select one of the EXPERIENCES you wrote about. At this point, don't try to connect that experience to what you are going to say to your audience. We'll make that connection later. Many speakers try prematurely to make the connection. In doing so, they short-circuit the power of the defining moment. Hold off on making the connection until we've gone through a few more steps. 4. Take each experience and identify the physical facts that gave you the emotion. In my father's case, it was his hand squeezing mine and his smile and gentle words, "... even I have opportunities." 5. Have the experience be a solution to the needs of your audience. That solution lies in the lesson the defining moment teaches. Here is the secret: The defining moment exists not for you to point out what you did, but for you to point out what the audience can do. In other words, your defining moment must become their defining moment. If it doesn't become their defining moment, it doesn't work. Take, for example, my defining moment with my father. All the leaders I've worked with need to get more results than they're presently getting. In fact, the leader who is satisfied with the results he or she is getting doesn't need my help. My methods are not for the satisfied leader. To an audience that needs to get more results, I talk about opportunity, the opportunity to get results. Results are limitless! When I talk to audiences about such opportunities, I use that defining moment. I say, "What I'm about to tell you isn't so much about me as it is about you and the unlimited opportunities to get results." That introduction is vital. It confirms that our interaction is about them and not about me. When my father's words resonate with their deepest needs, the defining moment works. Otherwise, it's a waste of their time. 6. Speak to your audience about your defining moment. Make sure it holds a solution to their needs. Don't have your defining moment stick out awkwardly in your interaction. Have it be a spontaneous, seamless communication said in a natural, relaxed way. As a leader, you do nothing more important than get results. And the best way for you to get results is not to have people respond to your orders but to motivate them to be your ardent cause leaders. We never know how good we are as leaders unless we are motivating people to be better than they think they are. The defining moment goes a long way in helping make that motivation possible. 2005 © The Filson Leadership Group, Inc. All rights reserved. PERMISSION TO REPUBLISH: This article may be republished in newsletters and on web sites provided attribution is provided to the author, and it appears with the included copyright, resource box and live web site link. Email notice of intent to publish is appreciated but not required: mail to: brent@actionleadership.com The author of 23 books, Brent Filson's recent books are, THE LEADERSHIP TALK: THE GREATEST LEADERSHIP TOOL and 101 WAYS TO GIVE GREAT LEADERSHIP TALKS. He is founder and president of The Filson Leadership Group, Inc. and for more than 20 years has been helping leaders of top companies worldwide get audacious results. Sign up for his free leadership e-zine and get a free white paper: "49 Ways To Turn Action Into Results," at http://www.actionleadership.com
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Coaching Take the Road Less Traveled "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference." - Robert Frost Character -- Why It Matters In Leaders "Character is much easier kept than recovered." -Thomas Paine Mentor? Who Needs A Mentor? Who needs a mentor. . .everyone who is truly serious about achieving more of their true potential, personally and financially. In fact, Richard Brooke says: The Tao of Leadership There can be no doubt that the ancient author of the Tao Te Ching, Lao-Tzu, was a man of unique wisdom whose writings continue to influence people of different backgrounds and faiths. Getting Things Done, Without the Sweat! How do you get your people on your side? And once their on your side, how can you get them to do anything you want? It's a skill that we all want. Nothing's better than leaving the hard work for someone else! But how? Be the Samurai Sword Relationships are constantly facing crisis. Everywhere we look people are in dispute with one another. Companies are in dispute with one another. Countries are even in dispute with one another. The Code of the Conference Leader Are your meetings generally a waste of time? Do you have trouble getting commitment on the decisions made? The following information is based on "Conference Leadership", an atypical Marine Corps publication that is no longer available to the public (as it has been incorporated into a sensitive and restricted document.)The publication details a method of achieving results from groups and meetings that was far ahead of its time, originally published in 1947. Veins of "stewardship," "dialogue" and "servant leadership" can be seen throughout, though not by those names. In Leadership, Identifying Dreams That Lead To Great Results History teaches that when people needed to do great things, a leader first had to gather them together and speak from the heart. This heartfelt speech was often connected to defining and reinforcing a dream shared by both the leader and the people. Common Mistakes Extraordinary Leaders Dont Make When people make a decision (either consciously or unconsciously) to follow your leadership, they do it primarily because of one of two things: Your Character or your Skills. They want to know if you are the kind of person they want to follow and if you have the skills to take them further. Yes, there are other variables but these are the bulk of the matter. This week we focus on the kind of skills that cause people to follow your leadership, specifically things that an Extraordinary Leader doesn't do! Top 25 Leadership Quotations Ponder what it takes to be a true leader with these practical quotes that will lead you to a more precise understanding of the secrets to successful leadership... What Makes A Good Leader? Ask Uncle Sam What do the major generals who are leading the war efforts in Iraq have in common with executives and entrepreneurs who are conducting business back home? When it comes to leadership, the answer is probably a lot more than you think. Peek Inside The Heads of Amazingly Successful Leaders Would you like to know what really goes on inside the heads of astoundingly successful leaders? Here is your chance. Part of the research for my book Absolutely Fabulous Organizational Change? involved highly successful executives filling-out my Abilities & Behavior Forecaster? pre-employment test. A Lasting Leadership Lesson: How One Leadership Talk By George Washington Saved The Revolution A Lasting Leadership Lesson: How One Leadership Talk By George Washington Saved The Revolution (And Our Fledgling Nation) From Catastrophe. The Leadership Strategy: An Unmined Comstock Lode of Results During the Second World War, Winston Churchill had a framed inscription on his desk that said, "It's not enough to say we are doing our best. We must succeed in doing what is necessary." Five Things Smart Leaders Do to Lower The Barriers To Change Smart leaders understand that they don't "make" a change happen. They recognize that the people in their organization do the work, change behaviors, and, ultimately, make the change happen. They understand that their role is to make the change meaningful and easier to accept. Smart leaders facilitate change. Leadership Success and its Greatest Barrier: the Law of Administrivia Years ago, a very wise, and often cynical boss of mine asked me for a definition of management. After reflecting on the question I proceeded to give him an intellectually careful and, I thought, accurate definition. He allowed me to complete the answer and then came back with his definition which was, "Management is just one darn thing after another." After having a good laugh, I thought about his remark and concluded that he had basically identified what makes life so challenging for those in leadership positions. The flow of "things to do" never seems to stop. The Ten Commandments of Leadership A poem hangs on the wall at Mother Theresa's orphanage in India. For all who are called to lead, it is a great reminder of what we should do: Hidden Self Confidence Peer independence is arguably the least understood aspect of self confidence. Many people who are shy, or suffer from social anxiety, tell me that they lack confidence. However, their shyness or social anxiety is only one aspect of a constellation of qualities which combine to determine our confidence profile. Understanding peer independence helps many people to appreciate and build on their personal strengths. Leading In The Face Of Disaster The date was Saturday, April 11, 1970, the time 13:13 CST. The event to take place was to be one of NASA's finest hours; the launch of Apollo 13. Apollo 13 was supposed to land in the Fra Mauro area. However, an explosion on board forced the crew to circle the moon without landing. Leadership Tips From My Dad Lee (L.B.) Weiss (Sept. 21/25 April 30/82)
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