sponsor

How To Help A Stressed Or Depressed Loved One


Having lived with a depressed partner for 3 years and suffered anxiety and depression for 5 years, I've experienced both sides. In this article, I'll show you exactly what you can do - and, what you shouldn't do - to help your loved one.

1. Please, however frustrated you feel, please never say to a depressed or stressed person: "Come on, snap out of it. What have you got to be worried or sad about anyway. People have it much worse than you." Please understand that these illnesses cannot be "snapped out of." You wouldn't say this to someone with high blood pressure or pneumonia because you know it isn't that simple. Stress, depression and anxiety are real illnesses that have specific causes. Asking someone to snap out of it makes that person feel inadequate or that they're doing something wrong. Absolutely not so. Comparing their circumstances to people who are suffering greater hardship is no use either. I could not have given two hoots about other people when I was ill because their circumstances meant nothing to me. I was struggling to solve my own problems and could not see anything else. Knowing that others are starving, are terminally ill, or suffer in squalor did not matter a jot because they did not make my problems go away. One more thing about such statements: they confront the sufferer with their illness and they put pressure on them. This will cause sufferers to retreat further and further into their own world. Better is to offer love and support: "I'm always here if you need me or want to talk." And 3 little words can mean so much: "I love you." I did not hear them for 3 years and believe me, I missed them so very much.

2. As a loved one, it is totally natural to want to understand what is happening. Many loved ones conduct research into these illnesses to develop understanding. Nothing wrong with that whatsoever. However, a problem can arise if you start to impose your knowledge on the sufferer. This happens when you observe certain behaviors and habits performed by sufferers and comment on why they are behaving in such a way. For example, you hear a sufferer put themselves down, so you say "That's a part of your illness. I've been reading about it and self-deprecation is one of the reasons why people become depressed. You need to stop putting yourself down." Again, this is confrontational and puts the sufferer under pressure. All they'll do is dismiss your comments and clam up whenever you are around as they'll feel they're being scrutinised. A better way is to challenge them very gently by reminding them of a time when they did something good. For example, you hear a sufferer say: "I'm useless, I never get anything right." You can say "Sure you do, hey, remember the time when you...". Do you see the difference in approach? The first is more like a doctor assessing a patient, the second is just a normal, natural conversation and doesn't mention stress, depression or anxiety. This is very, very helpful as it shifts focus from a bad event: "I'm useless..." to a good one: "remember when.." without exerting pressure.

3. Finally, you may find a resource - a book, a video, a supplement etc. - that you think will help someone to beat their illness. Perfectly natural. But there's a problem. It confronts the sufferer with their illness and puts them under pressure to do something about it. The result of this will be resentment followed by retreat into their own world. Isolation is a part of these illnesses. Sometimes, you just can't bear to be around people. My ex-partner used to sleep in a dark room for an entire weekend because she just could not handle anyone being around her. "I bore people, I've nothing to say of interest and I don't want anyone asking me how I'm feeling. I just want to be on my own." I know, it cuts you to ribbons when you hear such words from someone you care deeply about. But please, you must resist the urge to DIRECTLY give them a resource you think will help them. For someone to emerge from these illnesses, they have to make the decision themselves. A direct offer will more often than not be refused. So, if you find something you think will help, leave it lying around somewhere your loved one will find it. The idea here is for them to CHOOSE by themselves to investigate further. Such an INDIRECT approach is more effective because once again, there is no pressure, no reminder, no confrontation. It is the sufferer who takes a willing first step towards recovery.

It is so hard to understand and reach loved ones when they're caught up in these illnesses but please believe me, these ideas are very effective and they will help.

See you next time.

Looking to beat stress, anxiety or depression QUICKLY? "Conquering Stress" reveals the powerful, effective secrets so you can beat these illnesses once and for all DRUG FREE! Click Here==>http://www.conqueringstress.com



Caribbean Net News

Nana weakens, new depression forms in Caribbean
The Associated Press - 1 hour ago
MIAMI (AP) — The National Hurricane Center in Miami says a new tropical depression has formed over the eastern Caribbean even as what had been Tropical ...
NEW: Nana expected to weaken to a tropical depression Monday CNN International
Tropical depression may form in Caribbean: NHC Reuters
Tropical depression forms in the Caribbean Beaumont Enterprise
Myrtle Beach Sun News - Local10.com
all 508 news articles


Another economic depression?
BusinessWorld Online, Philippines - 1 hour ago
There is a consensus that we are seeing the beginning of a global recession, and the question now is whether the next stage will be an economic depression. ...
Breakingviews.com Crisis Is Milder Outside Finance New York Times
EDITORIAL - Weathering the financial storm Jamaica Gleaner
all 4 news articles


New dads can get postpartum depression, too
CNN - 4 hours ago
He recently got an official diagnosis: He has a male version of postpartum depression. "This comes as quite a shock to men who are expecting this wonderful ...


Great Depression holds lessons for surviving tough economy
CNN - 3 hours ago
(CNN) -- Memories of salvaging and stealing to avoid going hungry are part of the legacy of the Great Depression. Some iReporters say they can't help but ...


Wall Street Journal

The Gathering Storm—Is Another Great Depression Approaching?
The Cutting Edge, DC - 4 hours ago
In the last few weeks there has been much discussion about the Great Depression. Jim Cramer has said that if the bailout wasn’t passed, we would experience ...
Mexico Peso Gains Most in 13 Years, Brazil Real Most Since 2002 Bloomberg
Mexican Crisis Holds Lessons for US Wall Street Journal
Mexican peso strengthens amid bank rescue news International Herald Tribune
Bloomberg - Bloomberg
all 72 news articles


Depression Lessons
Wall Street Journal - 12 hours ago
But are we really headed toward another Great Depression? Here with some historical perspective is Amity Shlaes, a syndicated columnist for Bloomberg and a ...


The face of depression
Modesto Bee, CA - 3 hours ago
It turns out that people have a hard time sticking with face-to-face therapy for their depression: Almost half stop showing up to their therapists' offices, ...


World heading for Great Depression II
Inquirer.net, Philippines - 17 hours ago
After this, the only shot left to avoid depression is bank nationalization.” The Financial Times further reported that the crash in equity markets last week ...
THE GREAT DEPRESSION Indian Express
Lessons from the Great Depression relevant today Marshall News Messenger
Recession? Depression? How Deep, How Far and What Can Be Done? AlterNet
all 7 news articles


Stephen King: Lessons from the Great Depression of the 1930s have ...
Independent, UK - 16 hours ago
Already, this ranks as the fifth biggest stock market decline since the 1920s, beaten only by the 1929 Wall Street Crash (and the ensuing Depression in the ...
Talking Ourselves Into A Depression Investor's Business Daily (subscription)
all 3 news articles


Yale Doc Warns of Depression Risk in Heart Patients
Connecticut Business News Journal, CT - 3 hours ago
by BNH NEW HAVEN - Heart patients need timely and thorough screening for depression, a Yale researcher has warned. Those who undergo treatment for heart ...

Depression - Google News

home | site map

© 2006 www.elearn-university.org