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Tantrums - Breaking the Cycle
Tantrums don't suddenly appear. They are learned. Controlling or eliminating tantrums isn't complicated, but it is hard work. It will be easier if you keep one simple premise in mind: Tantrums aren't personal. Toddlers and pre-school children don't throw tantrums because they want to be naughty. They don't scream and yell because they want to hurt you. Children throw tantrums because they work. It is your job to make tantrums fail. "Can I have a lollipop?" This sentence, when uttered in a crowded supermarket, has the power to invoke a racing heart and sweating palms in many parents. The answer is no. The child raises her voice. The answer is still no. The child drops to the floor. The answer turns into a discussion and the child's voice increases in volume. The tears flow, the shrieks begin and, after a few parental self-conscious glances at near by shoppers the answer becomes yes. Sound familiar? What makes the child in the next aisle accept 'no' with a shrug of the shoulders or a nod? Why is your child the one who throws tantrums? There is no easy answer to this question, but there are some patterns of thinking and practical methods that you can use to break the cycle. It is a simple, yet powerful fact. A child's behavior can be modified. Rewarding a behavior will increase the occurrence of that behavior. Ignoring it will decrease, and often eliminate the behavior. A child who throws tantrums receives this message: If I yell loud enough and long enough, I'll get what I want. The message you want them to receive is: It doesn't matter how long or hard I yell, I'm not going to get what I want. The tantrums may be just developing. They may have been an unhappy part of family life for months or even years. Whatever the situation, if they're still happening, they're working. So, how do you start? * Commit yourself. When you decide to eliminate tantrums from your life, you are not fighting your child. You are in a battle for the good of your child. You will create a more peaceful home environment and closer relationships within your family. You will also teach your child self-discipline. This is a vital skill when dealing with society. Teachers, bosses and most friends will not crumble under the weight of your child's demands. Tantrums won't disappear immediately. If your child is just beginning to learn the components of a truly inspired tantrum, you may not have far to go. A few unwavering sessions may be all that is needed. If, however, your child has been honing his tantrum technique for months or even years, success may take a little longer. Even so, with consistency and perseverance, it will work. * Identify the triggers. When do most tantrums occur? Are they sparked by bedtime? Meal times? When shopping? While you are on the phone? Make a list and be aware. Find ways to help your child succeed. If eating dinner is a problem, give her tiny portions. If too much TV is a problem, offer more interesting alternatives. * Clarify the rules to yourself. Before you enter a tantrum-triggering zone, make sure that your rules are reasonable and consistent. There are no compromises at this stage. If your child refuses to eat dinner but insists on dessert, choose one phrase. "Dinner, then dessert." This way, when the begging starts or questions are fired at you, you can respond with a simple, repetitive, sanity-saving comment. No discussion is necessary. * Clarify the rules to your child. Before entering a situation that is likely to provoke a tantrum, calmly and firmly explain what is expected of your child. "You may watch this program. When it is over, the TV is turned off. Do you agree?" If a tantrum occurs when the TV is turned off after the program, your phrase can be, "We agreed, no more TV today." * Stay Calm. Easier said than done. Try to tune out. Try to ignore the unwanted behavior by not responding or responding only with your practiced phrase. A child will eventually realize that she's getting nowhere. She'll turn up the heat. The cries may become screeches and dinner may be thrown across the room (you may want to remove her plate before she gets to this stage). That's OK. She's getting the message. If you do not react, she will realize. Her tantrum isn't working. * Don't give up. This is imperative. If you usually give in after five minutes and this time, you held out for ten, next time you are in for a longer stint. In your child's mind, the tantrum still worked, she just had to work a little harder. So will you. * Reward immediately. If you stick with it, eventually your child will see that the tantrums no longer have any effect. As soon as you see the tiniest improvement, offer a reward. This doesn't mean change your rules. If your child screams for only two minutes instead of three and then agrees to turn off the TV, don't reward her with more TV. You will be sending her a mixed message. Reward her with a story, a walk or a hug. "You cried much less today than you did last time. Good for you." Taming tantrums is challenging and rewarding. Be gentle with yourself. There will be setbacks and days when things seem worse. It can be difficult but it's temporary. When your child's smile begins to shine through the haze of anger and frustration, you will agree. The long-term benefits are worth it. Ann Harth © 2005 Ann Harth is a freelance ghostwriter, manuscript assessor, copyeditor, and published author. She has a BA (psychology) and has spent twelve years working with children with special needs. She is the assistant fiction editor of Moondance, a literary on-line magazine and a member of the creative writing staff of Storydog, a website for children. Ann writes a regular column on running a home business for the Writing4SuccessClub website. Her columns can be viewed at http://www.writing4successclub.com Additional information on Ann Harth's published work and freelance services can be found on her website at http://www.annharth.com
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Alternative Medicine Baby Car Seat Glossary Guide To the uninitiated parent, buying a car seat for your child can seem technical at best. There are a dozen terms designers and retail stores use to describe car seats, their various accessories and features. Below you'll find some handy tips for sorting through the riff raff and deciding what features and accessories you really need for your carseat. Baby Speech Development - Lost for Words As children are growing from todddlerhood to childhood parents are very aware and concerned about their child's development. One of the most grieved about concern is the development of speech. If you find that your child's gurgles are not developing into "mama" and "dada" within a short period of time, this will cause anxiety for most. Baby Shower Checklist for Planning a Baby Shower Most shower checklists will suggest you start planning approximately four weeks before the intended shower date. This will give you enough time to do everything you need to without feeling rushed. The most important task is to pick a date! You should confirm this with the new mom and her immediate family as well. You don't want anyone to feel left out. Baby Car Seats Safety - Frequently Asked Questions In this article you will be provided with information about baby car seats and keeping your baby safe while in the car. There are tips for buying new and used baby car seats. Answers to some of the most asked questions about car seats are provided as well. Baby Shower Invitation Wording Your baby shower invitation wording can be either generic or specific. If you know the gender of the baby, then you should try to create gender specific wording for the baby shower invitation. There are wonderful little sayings for baby boys, as well as wonderful sayings for baby girls. But if the gender's not yet known, don't worry. There are many standard wording options as well. Baby Products Essential Baby Products, Which Ones Do I Really Need? There are many essential baby products a new parent must purchase. Cribs, car seats, baby monitors, baby strollers, high chairs and clothing are all necessary to ensure your child's safety and comfort. However, there are many baby products out there that are not worth wasting your money on, but are marketed to parents as being vital for a baby's growth and development. Parents always want the best for their child and therefore purchase these items that do not serve a great function. This guide reveals the important baby products a parent must obtain to properly care for their child. How to Clean Those Lovable Plush Toys Are YOUR Stuffed Animals DIRTY? Make Your Baby Shower a Success with the Perfect Table Setting Decorating Idea The perfect table setting decorating idea will be determined by three main things. First, by where the shower is being held. Second, by the theme you have chosen for your baby shower. Thirdly, by the tastes of the guest of honor and the guests you have invited. Guide to Easy, Affordable Baby Shower Decorations Great baby shower decorations are more about using your imagination than your pocketbook! You can create a wonderful party mood with simple, high-impact arrangements. This article details some of the best ideas for baby shower decorations. How to Choose a Baby Gate Once your baby is out of their crib and playpen, you are going to need some way of ensuring their safety. That's why learning how to choose a baby gate can be one of the most important things you'll do while baby-proofing the house. 10 Items of the Well-Stocked Diaper Bag Does your diaper bag have everything you need in it? Of course, you have the basic items: diapers, wipes, bottles, etc. But are you equipped for any "baby situation" that could possibly arise? It may seem like a lot of gear, but if you bring along the following baby paraphernalia when you head out, you'll be ready for just about anything. Childrens Backpack Safety and Comfort One of the easiest and safest ways to carry your child around is via an infant carrier or baby backpack. Of course, if you plan to take advantage of a backpack it is vital that you follow some key safety tips and recommendations. You can't simply toss your baby behind you and hope for the best, now can you? Aside from this, it is also important that you and your baby are comfortable while riding around in a backpack. There are several strategies you can adopt and features you can search for to ensure your baby and you enjoy a comfortable ride. Let's talk more about each of these below. How to Find Those Elusive Baby Gifts That Are Just Right Baby Gifts from gift certificates to very expensive toys. Something for every budget and taste. Gift certificates can be purchased at many different merchants. Liven Up Your Baby Shower With A Few Games You have a baby shower planned for a friend; you have organised the invitations, and sent them out to everyone on the list. You have even planned the food that is going to be available at the shower. Then you think, but what do we actually do? Just talk and hand over the gifts; or shall we play a few shower games? Movement and Infants Besides the fact that they were built to do so, there are a great many reasons why infants need to move. The truth is, even though their movement capabilities are extremely limited when compared with even those of a toddler, movement experiences may be more important for infants than for children of any other age group. And it's not all about motor development either. Five Reasons For Preparing Your Own Baby Food Are you unsure whether you should make your own baby food at home or just buy it from the store? If so, then take a look at these five good reasons for doing it yourself - they may help you make up your mind... Important Safety and Styling Features of Baby Cribs Baby Cribs are the feature item in any baby's nursery. Most parents can get away with keeping their newborn in a bassinet for the first few weeks of life; eventually however, all parents will have to invest in some type of baby crib to ensure their newborns safety during the early years. Freezing Homemade Baby Food With our twin boys getting ready to start solid food, I have been reading about making and freezing my own baby food. It is very easy! Babies: How to Get Your Children Excited About the New Arrival The sudden appearance of a new baby can be rough on the other children in the family. Daily routines are disrupted and suddenly mom and dad are too busy to pay attention to older siblings. Worst of all, the new baby is the instant star of the family - the center of attention. The adorable baby is the big attraction for everyone from mom and dad, to visiting relatives, to casual acquaintances bumped into at the mall, right down to strangers on the street. Everyone is talking baby talk, cooing at the new baby, and making a fuss over the newborn. The older kids may feel shunted aside and resentful. This is especially true for the displaced former baby of the family. Naming Ceremonies: Advice for First Time Godparents Congratulations! It is a great honour your friends have done you, because being asked to be a godparent (aka as mentor, supporting adult, guideparent or guardian) is a significant responsibility and signals that they really trust you to look out for their child.
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