sponsor

Narcissistic Personality Disorder Tips


FIVE DON'T DO'S

How to Avoid the Wrath of the Narcissist

  • Never disagree with the narcissist or contradict him

  • Never offer him any intimacy

  • Look awed by whatever attribute matters to him (for instance: by his professional achievements or by his good looks, or by his success with women and so on)

  • Never remind him of life out there and if you do, connect it somehow to his sense of grandiosity

  • Do not make any comment, which might directly or indirectly impinge on his self-image, omnipotence, judgment, omniscience, skills, capabilities, professional record, or even omnipresence. Bad sentences start with: "I think you overlooked ... made a mistake here ... you don't know ... do you know ... you were not here yesterday so ... you cannot ... you should ... (perceived as rude imposition, narcissists react very badly to restrictions placed on their freedom) ... I (never mention the fact that you are a separate, independent entity, narcissists regard others as extensions of their selves, their internalization processes were screwed up and they did not differentiate properly) ..." You get the gist of it.

The TEN DO'S

How to Make your Narcissist Dependent on You

If you INSIST on Staying with Him

  • Listen attentively to everything the narcissist says and agree with it all. Don't believe a word of it but let it slide as if everything is just fine, business as usual.

  • Personally offer something absolutely unique to the narcissist which they cannot obtain anywhere else. Also be prepared to line up future sources of primary NS for your narcissist because you will not be IT for very long, if at all. If you take over the procuring function for the narcissist, they become that much more dependent on you which makes it a bit tougher for them to pull their haughty stuff - an inevitability, in any case.

  • Be endlessly patient and go way out of your way to be accommodating, thus keeping the narcissistic supply flowing liberally, and keeping the peace (relatively speaking).

  • Be endlessly giving. This one may not be attractive to you, but it is a take it or leave it proposition.

  • Be absolutely emotionally and financially independent of the narcissist. Take what you need: the excitement and engulfment and refuse to get upset or hurt when the narcissist does or says something dumb, rude, or insensitive. Yelling back works really well but should be reserved for special occasions when you fear your narcissist may be on the verge of leaving you; the silent treatment is better as an ordinary response, but it must be carried out without any emotional content, more with the air of boredom and "I'll talk to you later, when I am good and ready, and when you are behaving in a more reasonable fashion".

  • If your narcissist is cerebral and NOT interested in having much sex - then give yourself ample permission to have "hidden" sex with other people. Your cerebral narcissist will not be indifferent to infidelity so discretion and secrecy is of paramount importance.

  • If your narcissist is somatic and you don't mind, join in on endlessly interesting group sex encounters but make sure that you choose properly for your narcissist. They are heedless and very undiscriminating in respect of sexual partners and that can get very problematic (STDs and blackmail come to mind).

  • If you are a "fixer", then focus on fixing situations, preferably before they become "situations". Don't for one moment delude yourself that you can FIX the narcissist - it simply will not happen. Not because they are being stubborn - they just simply can't be fixed.

  • If there is any fixing that can be done, it is to help your narcissist become aware of their condition, and this is VERY IMPORTANT, with no negative implications or accusations in the process at all. It is like living with a physically handicapped person and being able to discuss, calmly, unemotionally, what the limitations and benefits of the handicap are and how the two of you can work with these factors, rather than trying to change them.

  • FINALLY, and most important of all: KNOW YOURSELF.

What are you getting from the relationship? Are you actually a masochist? A codependent perhaps? Why is this relationship attractive and interesting?

Define for yourself what good and beneficial things you believe you are receiving in this relationship.

Define the things that you find harmful TO YOU. Develop strategies to minimize the harm to yourself. Don't expect that you will cognitively be able to reason with the narcissist to change who they are. You may have some limited success in getting your narcissist to tone down on the really harmful behaviours THAT AFFECT YOU which emanate from the unchangeable WHAT the narcissist is. This can only be accomplished in a very trusting, frank and open relationship.

(Co-authored with Alice Ratzlaff)

About The Author

Sam Vaknin is the author of "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited" and the editor of mental health categories in The Open Directory, Suite101, and searcheurope.com.

His web site: http://samvak.tripod.com

Frequently asked questions regarding narcissism: http://samvak.tripod.com/faq1.html

Narcissistic Personality Disorder on Suite101: http://www.suite101.com/welcome.cfm/npd



New York Times

Under Analysis: The Psychology of Tudor’s Ballets
New York Times, United States - 22 hours ago
He was known as the psychological choreographer, and he arrived when psychology entered American popular culture. In 1938 Fred Astaire played Ginger ...


Sportsnet.ca

The Psychology of the Seven-Game Series
Akron Beacon Journal, OH - 44 minutes ago
I would propose a simpler study — ''The Psychology of the Seven-Game Series'' in sports. For one, it avoids the quagmire that other study presents. ...
Cavaliers' Superman super enough, Bill Livingston says The Plain Dealer - cleveland.com
all 9 news articles


Take This Trading Psychology Quiz
Forex Factory - 23 hours ago
Wade posted this last year, and looking back it has very helpful in assessing my trading psychology and has brought me clarity in direction. ...


CNN-IBN

Marriage without children the key to bliss
Telegraph.co.uk, United Kingdom - May 9, 2008
Daniel Gilbert, professor of psychology at Harvard University, said studies across America and Europe had shown that while feelings of happiness spike ...
Happiness is … not having children Sydney Morning Herald
Stay childless . . . and stay happy Daily Mail
Readers' Comments Baby, you make me sad Melbourne Herald Sun
Lancashire Evening Post - Times of India
all 48 news articles


Students receive Washakie scholarships
The Casper Star Tribune, WY - 11 hours ago
Also, Cacey Sage, psychology junior, Fort Washakie; Christina Samuelson, speech-language pathology master's degree candidate, Riverton; Alicia Underwood, ...


Why criminals cannot say 'no'
ScienceAlert, Australia - 24 minutes ago
A study integrating theories from criminology and psychology has provided an in-depth explanation for the link between self-control and why people get into ...


Multilingual children may slow aging process: study
Hindu, India - 11 hours ago
The study published in the journal 'Psychology and Aging' found that kids who speak a second or third language may have an unexpected advantage over ...


Authoritative Reference on Clinical Psychology and Aging
Business Wire (press release), CA - May 9, 2008
The first authoritative reference on clinical psychology and aging, the Handbook of the Clinical Psychology of Ageing was universally regarded as a landmark ...


Pacific Graduate School of Psychology Professors to Participate in ...
Business Wire (press release), CA - May 8, 2008
Drs. Froming, Zimbardo and Breckenridge will present May 13 and 14 on “The Psychological Components of Genocide,” and on “The Social Psychology and Social ...


Sports psyches : Students get their heads in the game
Annapolis Capital, MD - 14 hours ago
After that, he focused his attention on another interest, psychology, but sports never quite made it to the back burner. He remains an avid fan. ...

Psychology - Google News

home | site map

© 2006 www.elearn-university.org