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The Six Rs for Changing MInds and Overcoming Resistance
This article borrows from Howard Gardner's book, "Changing Minds" (2004). In order to get people in conflict to cooperate or collaborate sufficiently to settle or resolve their differences, and perhaps achieve reconciliation, it is necessary that they change their minds. The reason they are in dispute is because they are of two different minds about a particular thing, which is what they are fighting over. People do not change their minds easily. Some people are prepared to be burned at the stake, literally, rather than change their minds, or admit to a change of belief. People cling to the artifacts of their own minds with great stubbornness. This is called resistance. When a mediator seeks to bring parties together, she will encounter resistance. If there were no resistance, if changing minds was easy, there would be no need for mediators. Howard Gardner has identified six R's, which are helpful in helping people to change their minds. They are: reason, research, resonance, re-description, rewards and real world events. Reason is employed by way of the use of argument in order to persuade. Research is used in order to collect facts, also with the purpose of persuading, often a mediation is a conflict between competing facts. Resonance appeals to the feeling part of the human personality. Does a proposal feel right? Some people rely heavily upon resonance, and prefer it to a reasoned and researched position. Orators and advertisers seek a message that will resonate their audience. Re-description can be profoundly effective. Matters are often expressed in the negative, but when changed into a positive form of expression, convey a completely different and more attractive meaning. Mediations are often a persistent attempt to re-describe the problem in order to make solutions seem more attractive. Rewards are an important part of any negotiation, and are usually accompanied by penalties. This is often known as the "stick and carrot" approach. Real world events can have the effect of changing parties' perceptions completely. Such events may be quite trivial, like going out for lunch. After lunch, what was said in the morning and rejected out of hand may, with the benefit of the simple event of several hours passing and a meal, seem much more attractive. The ever-present problem of the mediator is that parties do not want to budge, but unless there is some change they start to get impatient. So the job of the mediator is to continue to make some progress, so that there is a perception of movement. This is necessary in order to keep the parties at the negotiating table. So it is helpful to the mediator to be able to play upon the six R's, developing a facility with each one, in order to keep the parties going through the process in a productive way. Ultimately, the matter must be resolved, not by the mediator but by the parties themselves. The combined focused attention of their minds is what will accomplish the result that they have come to mediation to achieve. The mediator, by using the six R's, helps to maintain the process to its successful conclusion. Charles B. Parselle is a mediator, arbitrator and attorney. He graduated from Oxford University's Honor School of Jurisprudence and is a member of the English bar, then was admitted to the California Bar in 1983. A practicing attorney, he is a prolific author and sought-after mediator. To consult him, please contact him through his website: http://www.parsellemediation.com
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a href="http://www.elearn-university.com/Careers/coaching/index.php" class="nav">Coaching The Art of Haggling Did you know that at one time in this country that there were no fixed prices on anything. You would go into a store and find an item you needed then you would begin the process of negotiating the price. This might seem foreign to us today, but it use to be the rule. In a later article I'll talk more about the history of price negotiation in this country, but today I want to give you some pointers about how to negotiate well. Where to FIND the BEST Employees -- Obviously, you might logically say, "that is good!" You would most certainly be on track feeling good about everyone in your area having a job. Getting everyone working and being more self-sufficient is our logical goal. Managing the Sales Negotiation Process How many times have you heard: National and Cultural Negotiation Style Cultural and national negotiation styles reflect communication behaviors and the priorities of that culture. Priorities such as trust, teamwork, non-confrontational situations, and openness are all along a sliding scale with each culture. The communication behaviors of each culture reflect these priorities and can dictate how a culture will engage in negotiations. Often, Japanese and other Asian negotiators will plan a social event and dinner before any real negotiations occur. Likewise, Americans place an emphasis on taking clients out to dinner and a round of golf. Engaging in this type of activity builds trust and opens the line of communication between the two parties. Using persuasive techniques to "connect" with another person can lead to trust and the sense of a relationship being built. The negotiation styles of these two cultures mesh well, thus allowing them to understand the priorities of each other's culture. Determine Your Rate And Negotiate Carefully With Unreasonable Clients Consultants who offer executive assistant or computer services on a virtual basis must know their value and be prepared to gauge their billable rate to meet the circumstances. Ask for More - You May Get More If you are involved with sales, how do you feel when you hear phrases such as, "Can you do anything about your price?" or, "You'll have to do better than that." and variations on these? Does a cloud or two cross the sun? You start to think, "here we go again.." yet, have you prepared for this situation? Secrets of the Trade Revealed: Bartering for Business In its simplest form, bartering involves an equal trade. One business swaps a good or service for another. A lawyer, for example, may swap a few hours of legal assistance for a stay at an out-of-town hotel. The Ultimate Truth in Persuasion OK, so you want to improve your persuasion power right? Barter: Its Not Just for Doctors Anymore Time was, in the country, the local "doc" was as likely to get paid with a couple of chickens as a couple of dollars. Doctors these days won't stand for that, of course, but while some people have moved completely away from barter and stayed there, others have embraced it wholeheartedly. Negotiating Tactics: How To Strike A Negotiable Opening Shot There is no right or wrong to fire up your opening negotiation... Win-Win Power Negotiating Let's talk about win-win negotiating. Instead of trying to dominate the other person and trick him into doing things he wouldn't normally do, I believe that you should work with the other person to work out your problems and develop a solution with which both of you can win. Negotiations: The Art, Science, & Sport of Online Deals Negotiations can seem as complex as physics, and in fact, people go to college to study the science of negotiating just as they would the laws of nature. At the same time, negotiation is like an ancient art form, some sort of Zen mental jujitsu. When neither the Zen nor the science works, though, no one wins. Business: Keys To Negotiating Well Whether it's buying a car, asking for a pay rise, saying 'no' to a friend or renting an apartment - at some stage in our lives we all are going to need to know how to negotiate. Yet, so few of us know the basic skills before embarking on life changing purchases or decisions! These 8 keys will assist you negotiate well. 30 Tips for Keeping Meeting Expenses to a Minimum Money makes the world go 'round. And when it comes to meeting planning, money can probably get you whatever you want. However, few event planners have the luxury of an unlimited budget. Your boss may like to drink champagne on a beer budget. In other words, caution you to spend less, but expect miracles at the same time. A One Stop Financial Solution Amy Wright, 34, was extatic when her realtor showed her the three bedroom townhome overlooking the lushious golf course. It was exactly the home she was looking for. The interior was sunny and bright, with a newly remodeled kitchen, spacious bedrooms, and the perfect little study area to set up her new home office. It had a spectacular pool and a lovingly tended flower garden. Best of all-the seller had to move immediately, so the home was a steal and miraculously within her budget! Amy was already making moving preparations when suddenly, a devastating blow paralyzed her plans. Her credit application for a mortgage had been denied. She could not understand how this had happened-just a year ago, her credit had been almost perfect! The last year had been a little tight, and sure she had a few late payments here and there?but she had no idea it was so bad that now she could not even get the home of her dreams. How to Change Somebody's Mind Believe me, it's not easy! And sometimes, it doesn't work at all. How To Deal With A Complainer How To Deal With A Complainer Barter and Its Benefits What is Barter? Barter involves 2 parties. Each party wants to trade with each other and instead of exchanging cash for products or services, the exchange is carried out with products or services that each possesses. That is, there is a trade of a product or service that someone has, in return for another product or service the other party has. Games are a Reflection of Behavior You are standing on a small stage yelling, "What's the name of the game?!" Making the Deal: Women as Negotiators Negotiating is no game. It is not for the weak or the fragile. It takes assertiveness and someone who feels comfortable in the mano-a-mano world of business. Can women negotiate the deal as well as their male counterparts? Absolutely! In some cases, they may even do a better job. Women have a definite edge at the negotiating table because of their instincts and natural power of persuasion.
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